At the risk of this blog becoming a place to fester in my own self guilt, I’m going to start with a positive and got my 5th like. Yes. That’s right, this loser.
Here’s a clincher. I think everyone can relate to this. You ever on your phone, looking through a news feed maybe on social media and you see some kid doing something really talented? It could be singing, dancing or drawing? You kind of chuckle and then in awe think, Damn, wish I was that good? You then maybe try it out yourself, thinking how hard can it be? You then look back at your work, an utter clusterf*ck and think, OK turns out I’m not the best! Then, the sad thing comes up. You keep thinking for a while longer before your mind utters that heartbreaking question: What am I actually good at?
Now, maybe it doesn’t apply to everyone. There’s bound to be some socially anxious people out there who are extremely talented. But I started thinking to myself and it was hard for me to pick out something that I am actually really good at. There are a few things I’m moderately good at. My Harry Potter book trivia is not to be meddled with, although, the I have actually never personally come up with a fan theory myself and there are guys out there that know some crazy facts that get 100% on those crazy quizzes online. I came to the realisation that all my strongest “talents” are weak compared to others. That isn’t to say you should always compare yourselves to others. For socially anxious people it is crucial though. A good way to feel confident when with a new people is aligning interests, at least so there’s something for you to talk about with them. These individual talents people possess form a larger community, dancers hang out with other dancers because it’s something for them to relate to with others, artists are friends with other artists because the message they are trying to convey with others through their work are understood by people with the same skill.
It’s a weird kind of broken circle. I personally believe that the best way to learn something is from experience. For those things that can’t be experienced, the next closest thing is to learn from others, which then brings up the awkward point of actually HAVING TO GO OUT THERE AND TALK TO PEOPLE! I was never a good drawer, maybe I could have learnt from my people and improved but I was too scared to talk to people. I’m not the most academically intelligent person, maybe my class-fellows could have helped me if I asked them but I was too busy burying my head into my hoodie and avoiding eye contact in the classroom.
I don’t have any particular hobbies and I never started anything particular when I was young. It’s a horrible missed opportunity as being a child would have made it easier to make friends, you know, because you haven;t been alive as long so the self-doubt and lack of confidence haven’t had enough to fester inside of me. Now, I have experienced lots of different things but never fully committed, leaving me at a horrible feeling of just being average.
Maybe it’s too late for me, maybe it’s not. This is one of those moments where I have to wait it out and improve on the things I want to get better in. If you decide to work on your weaknesses and improve your strengths, it’s up to you whether you are going to ask for help or not. That’s not for me to decide, I don’t know if you’re a solo worker or if you sometimes have to ask for help. But know that asking for help isn’t a weakness. Weakness is a human trait, it shows that you are brave and humble enough to ground yourself and is a good way of developing a connection with someone. Someone who is a great singer or dancer isn’t going to want to teach other great dancers, they’re going to want to teach people who need help, who have potential. Remember, if you’re socially anxious, it comes hand-in-hand with experiencing regret: I wish I never said that. Maybe she did mean it. All that jazz. But if there’s one thing that is a tremendous shame, it’s that somewhere in this world is a da Vinci or a Michael Jackson that never will be because he or she was too afraid to ask for help on improving themselves.
One step at a time guys. Don’t go blurting out to everyone if that scares you. Find someone you can confide in (read my O.S.P. post for that stuff). Tell them what you want to do. Tell them you’re not happy with average, you have the potential to be so much more.
Good night, you potatoes. Enjoy the cocoa.