Being shy is kind of a weird thing today.
Like this is how it feels in my shoes. When a professional situation calls for it, I rise to the occasion. My part-time job requires me to be able to talk to a whole bunch of people. I tell myself, this is just work, you’ll never see these customers again, just make that one first impression, follow the script the boss gives you and you’ll be fine. And I am fine.
Talking to people my age, socially, that’s hard. Like, I can’t start a conversation for shit. I’m sorry, I’m not really special. I’ve had an average life up until this point. There isn’t something special about my personality that I can think of. I’m average at sports or video games and it’s been a while since I’ve read a book. I find it hard to make jokes that people find funny, most of the time it ends up cringey. So, you’re gonna have to start the conversation, you’re gonna have to make the jokes. I’ll laugh, my sense of humour ranges from awkward jokes to edgy laughs. You know, I just like getting lost in a person’s words. This person is taking the time to talk to me? Why wouldn’t I listen?
It’s even worse if I think the person is attractive. You know when a person talks about something they really like, the way their face lights up? I love it when that happens to someone, I like witnessing that. I’m not in love or anything, it’s just that glow on a person’s face when they love what they’re talking about is something to behold.
So, yeah, just keep talking, I’ll make a comment every now and then because I want to know more. I’m gonna be honest, I haven’t done anything remotely as interesting, I just didn’t get out much growing up I guess. I have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to try and keep the person entertained. To be fair and grateful, my friends always tell me that they like my conversation. But you know, I’m plagued with doubt and it takes a lot to convince me someone actually cares.
I guess given how I’ve grown up and knowing the people I’ve known, today I’m always willing to get lost in people because I have never gotten the chance to do that with a lot of the people I know. This overbearing need to listen to people’s stories made me realise I haven’t done a lot.
So I just stay quiet. I don’t talk, I just listen. It’s all I know how to do.